Uncertainty beaten by Desire
~1500 words. 7 minute read.
The year was 1997 and for all intents and purposes, he had achieved all he could dream of, being in his early fifties:
A stable career as a schoolteacher that did more than just pay the bills (school teachers in Germany make what school teachers in the US should be making), thanks to decades of frugality and the building of assets, like the custom villa south of Frankfurt in a highly sought-after upscale neighborhood, all the while growing his pension benefit.
His two sons were in High School, one about to graduate and start law school at the prestigious University of Heidelberg, the other having a somewhat mediocre academic record, but being engaged in the school band, school theater group, and club soccer. His marriage couldn’t have been happier, and his only remaining parent lived next door, making the elderly care hassle as convenient as could be. In many ways, he had successfully designed a life, checking off all these goals, eliminating uncertainty and setting up his family for a safe and happy future.
All this may have occurred to him, when one night in June 1997, he was sweating in an unbearably hot hotel room in Panorama, a suburb of Thessaloniki, Greece. Without air conditioning, the open windows had invited an almost apocalyptic swarm of mosquitoes into the room, where his son and wife put on a brave front. But their silence only made him question the decision to chase this adventure even more. He’d rather hear them complain.
When the opportunity to teach at the German School in Thessaloniki presented itself, he didn’t hesitate to say yes. There were a few simple reasons for this:
First, this wouldn’t be his first experience of taking a teaching assignment abroad. From 1980 to 1988, he taught at the European School in Luxembourg and the whole family counted those eight years amongst the happiest they had ever experienced. The friendships formed there were still going strong 40 years later. Oh, and the pay was better abroad too.
Second, as a child and young man he had enjoyed a humanistic education, something we may now call outdated. He read Homer’s ‘Odyssey’ in Greek, texts from the philosophers of the Roman Republic in Latin, dove deep into the teachings of occidental philosophers, Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, and was trained in oration and the scientific method. An opportunity to live and work in the cradle of western civilization was impossible to pass up.
View of Aristotle Plaza in Thessaloniki
Lastly, modern Greece, as opposed to some more ‘exotic’ locations (for a Westerner) that he could have also been selected for, like Kenia or South Africa, seemed to be just the right amount of culture shock for the family. Seemed – because during the first 2 years the language and culture barrier turned out to be significant. It certainly required heavy adjustments and the will to step outside the comfort zone every single day. It did something to him and to his family, he could tell that much immediately. Whether for better or for worse remained to be seen.
The year was 2002 and for all intents and purposes I was exactly where I wanted to be. I had just earned my banking certification from the Bavarian Chamber of Commerce and was living comfortably in a 1-bedroom apartment in Passau, a 5-minute bike ride from the University.
The spires of Passau’s Cathedral.
I still reminisce about the setup I had there: My apartment was on the top floor of the building, overlooking the picturesque Passau Central Station. I could hop on a train that followed the Danube River out of Passau and dropped me in downtown Munich in two hours.
The town of Passau is a typical student town, with a medieval city center, castles and old churches, several breweries, cozy restaurants and coffee houses, and miles of mountain bike trails along three rivers, leading all the way into Austria and the Czech Republic. I played hockey in the local beer league. Our ice times started between 11 pm and midnight which didn’t bother me, a college student, easily convinced to skip an early lecture the next morning. I had all the comforts I could ask for.
The Culture and Economics program at Passau University was in high demand and a near-perfect GPA was needed to get in. Thankfully I happened upon academic excellence during my High School years in Greece. Despite the difficulty of the program, I somehow managed to get through the required course work in three years. All that was left to do was write my thesis.
When I arrived for international student orientation week at Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo, I set down my meager belongings in a cold and unadorned dorm room on campus. It was a far cry from my living conditions in Passau, inferior in every way.
I set foot in Davis Hall in the fall of 2002. I do not recall ever longing for my apartment in Passau even once over the next two years.
Authors Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy wrote a magnificent book called “Big Feelings – How to be okay when Things are not okay”. In it, they identify what they call ‘The Big 7’ emotions and feelings that humans have a hard time dealing with. When my parents decided to move to Greece and when I decided to move to Michigan, we opened the door to at least two of them: Uncertainty and regret. After all, we left behind picture-perfect environments and conditions and traded them in for large amounts of uncertainty. Given the initial circumstances, we could have easily regretted our decisions. We never did.
Why not? We wanted to go. Like really, really, really wanted to. When a friend of mine from Germany came to visit me at WMU, he reported back to my parents (who hadn’t come to visit yet) that: “René has this crazy ability to brainwash himself into liking these conditions he’s in, even if they’re totally dreadful.”
That’s not at all what happened. I was at all times pushing forward and yes, probably cherry-picked the things that were uplifting, exciting, and inspiring. But that is so much easier to do when you know that you are where you want to be. It occurs to me now that finding inspiration has nothing to do with your current situation, rather it has everything to do with the alignment of your desire and the perceived opportunity.
Inspiration = Desire x Perceived Opportunity
The uncertainty of arriving at new shores (literally and figuratively speaking) consists of the ‘withins’ (the fears and stressors that are within our control) and the ‘beyonds’ (those that are beyond our control). While the beyonds may forever require creative management techniques, the withins stand no chance against desire.
